this is my crackpot theory about jennifer lopez:
she doesn’t know how to twerk.
that is a crazy sentence to write. jennifer lopez? j-lo? jenny from the block whose love don’t cost a thing? the former fly girl? i mean, DAT ASS?
yes, jennifer lopez, known for all of those things, cannot twerk. she has a delightful ass, a wonderful starter derrière if you’re just getting into buns. it’s kind of legendary, no? also, she’s a great dancer, she’s in ridiculous shape for a woman in her mid-40s who has had twins, she’s still foine.
and yet, by today’s exacting booty-popping standards, she can’t twerk - not the way we as a people have come to expect our sexy asses to move. she can shimmy it, she can shake it, she can knock it against a wall, she can bounce it off of a much lesser ass (ahem, iggy) - but she ain’t doing no handstands, ya dig?
aaaaaaaaand, i think this is because she never had to twerk. back in the day, it was enough to have a fat ass that could fill out dem jeans in an appetizing way. skin tight leggings, the highest of heels, glossy red lips, hoop earrings - you were pretty much set. sure, you needed to know how to shake your ass (but watch yourself), but it was an honor just being around it. now, you have to be able to sign your name on the head of a pin using only your butt cheeks.
did j-lo embarrass herself in this video? oh, hell no. she still got DAT ASS and she’s putting it on obvious display in a way i can’t really remember her doing previously. her ass is part of my life goals. but as i watched, i found myself thinking, “eh, nothing special,” because she wasn’t opening a jar of pickles with her cakes. that’s how ingrained twerking currently is. i had to step back and appreciate a more mature, seasoned take on the artform.
(sidenote: iggy azalea’s ass, much like iggy azalea herself, is trying too hard.)
Wise words from Shalewa Sharpe. I saw the Booty video today and it was described as a “twerk-fest”. That’s a stretch. The dancing is not twerking - it mostly looked like a weird cardio ballet class I went to a few weeks ago.
Although it wasn’t even 7:00, the heavy clouds and impending rainstorm made it look like it was much later. Mitchell and I rushed from the car to the house. “We’re not going to get anything done tonight,” Mitchell said. “This is cuddle weather.”
Check out Rob Haze and Culture Beast.
This episode of Culture Beast is all about activism in music. This one was a challenge but I’m happy its finally out. Thanks for watching.
Damn, they’ll put anything on the Internet.
Read the complete abomination here:
File this under CRYING AT MY DESK
It gets better—the guy is deaf, and he taught his cat the sign for “food.” So the cat’s not just saying “put that in my mouth,” it’s actually signing
Not only that, but if you notice at the beginning, the cat *gets the man’s attention* as any person who wanted to talk to a deaf/hoh individual would (well, and vice versa IME). I’ve done sign since I was 5, and generally, w/o eye contact initially, you wave a hand or lightly touch the arm (if that’s ok with the person you’re trying to converse with, of course).
Generally, adult cats meow mostly to humans, but this cat has figured out that’s not going to work and has adapted. Animal companions! They are INCREDIBLE.
EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS CAT.
I was exhausted, but it was like Mitchell could read my mind as soon as I walked through the door. “You look like you could use a massage,” he said.
I’d love to introduce everyone to my new cardigan/boyfriend, Mitchell.
WHO IS DAN DODGE?
This fella has been in my Facebook newsfeed for about two days, commenting on friends’ statuses, with this tone.
Why does this guy go there? How much self-hate do you have to have that your mind automatically goes to this bitter place? How much resentment do you have to have towards an entire gender that with no provocation you attack these apparently sub-par looking women (don’t even get me started)? It’s really easy to dismiss these shitty comments. It’s easy to get in flame wars with them (ask some friends of mine who went troll-feeding yesterday). It’s really easy for guys to get up in arms when someone dares to mention this behavior and Santa Barbara in the same breath. But it’s also really easy to spend all day crying at my desk over how often women are targeted and treated poorly for no reason. To the woman who screwed this guy over at some point, to all the women who rejected him early on, thanks for making his hate recognizable so we know to stay away.